Your patience is appreciated

thank you for your continued patience as I attempt to come up with things that are entertaining for you. While you are waiting, I made a twitter just for you!

go follow @icanhaztia right now! I means it!

Teachers

I like teachers. I think. Ok, most of the time I like teachers. When I was little, I remember being scared of teachers, like they would eat my head if I gave the wrong answer or failed to turn in homework. As I got older, teachers became a source of supreme annoyance, especially after I realized they would not eat my head. :)


In high school, I made the mistake of seeing teachers as my peers. Or even underlings. I had a severe superiority complex in High School, as I was planning on taking over the world at that point.

So when my teachers would call my mom and get me in trouble, they went on the kill list, and I stopped paying attention to them. In my mind, they were going to die eventually anyway.

Now, I am back in school, almost 10 years later. These teachers really are my peers. I am having trouble thinking of them as my elders, because some of them are not. They are married, just bought their first house, and starting families. Most of what I see is starting families. I am 2 for 2 on the pregnant teachers per semester. This one definitely will not finish the semester. She told us she's due on April 1. I hope she goes into labor during class, that would be so awesome!

Everybody would run screaming out of the class!

I would stay and call 911, and wait with her for the ambulance!

I would run down the hall to the liberal arts office to ask them to call her emergency contact! And her substitute!

I would be a hero!!!


And my teachers would still not like me.

There is No Such Thing as "On a Break"

Sometimes in life, you have to be able to pull yourself away from bad sitcoms and realize that these people do not live in the reality that we live in.

Today, I am talking about the hit show Friends.

Now, everybody knows by now that Ross and Rachel were together and then they broke up, and then Ross did it with somebody (I'm not even sure it matters who) and when he a Rachel got back together he told her that he was with somebody while they were broken up. Bully for him, manning up and admitting that to her.

When Rachel started going on about how he had cheated (?!), his response was that they were "on a break". This is where shit gets stupid.

I'm sorry, but in the real world, if you are with somebody and you break up with them, you are not together. Seriously.

So if you go out and do some stuff, and they come back to your door, however long after, you should probably expect they are going to have fucked somebody, a hooker, an ex, some girl that was drunk on the sidewalk, whatever. But just because you two mutually agree to try your relationship again, this does not give anyone the right to be offended by the other party's behavior while they were not in a relationship.

There is no way in hell that you can even justify getting mad over that. He was not your boyfriend when he got the booty! He did not cheat! There is no way that you can even misconstrue that as cheating!

Do you cheat on your grocery store when it's 2 am and you end up at the Kroger to buy milk? NO.

Do you cheat on your mechanic when you take your car to Jiffy Lube for an oil change? NO.

Do you cheat on your pet when you go to someone else's house and get other pet hair all over your sweater? NO.

"But Tia, you are being ridiculous." you say.

I am not.

When two people break up, they have ended the relationship, and therefore revoked their claim to the person they have broken up with. You have no right over their actions, and no right over anything else about them either.

So Rachel, go have fun at your job at Barney's and go fuck all the guys you want, but sure as hell don't break up with them if you don't want them fucking other girls ever again, because that's a fucking dream. Ross was totally within his rights as a human male to go out and get him some, and I hope it was good, or at least better than you.

I am doing a great service to the internet today.

Hello reader. Today's post is a service, not only to you, but to every art student, Van Gogh fan, and wikipedia editor in the whole world wide web.

Today! I went looking for this picture. So you know, it's Vincent Van Gogh's Woman on a Tree-Lined Road, painted in 1889. I could not find it. It does not exist on the internet, unless they are calling it something else.

So here it is, I took a picture of it with my iPhone, cropped it up all pretty in Picasa, and stuck it in my Power Point presentation. Well, I couldnt' scan it, because the book is too fucking big for my scanner, and it's on 2 pages, hence the crease. But it's here for you anyway, if you need it. If you actually do end up taking it for something or other, hit up the comment box, I'd like to know if I actually did the world a favor, for once, that doesn't require something they con only charge me with if I don't get away with it.

You're welcome world!
Tia

Election Day is Fucking Awesome

Today is the day! The Day for Voting!!!

As a loyal citizen who enjoys putting her nose in everything, I was excited to get up and go vote this morning. I already have my "I'm a Georgia Voter!" peach sticker, see:


One thing that I have noticed that is so different from past elections is the surprising number of Libertarian candidates on the ballot. This is extremely amusing. Now we have 3 choices, it's like choosing between a giant douche, a turd sandwich, and a 10 year old happy meal. On the outside, the Libertarian party is exciting, and promises a toy, but once you open it up, your fries are cold and stale and your toy is gone and it's basically the same as the other shit.

Campaigns are nasty. Campaigns ads are super nasty. Like, Snookie nasty.

Campaigns are brutal, ugly, and ridiculous. Here in Georgia, the race for governor has gotten disgusting and hateful. Nathan Deal (R) is apparently a bag of slippery snakes who loves rapists. Roy Barnes (D) supposedly wants to give licenses to illegal immigrants while making sure that child molesters are hanging out waiting to touch their illegal children. I'm waiting for ads that say things like "Nathan Deal: he eats babies!" and "Roy Barnes loves to beat up senior citizens." I mean, if we are going to get ridiculous, why don't we go all the way?

Who believes this bullshit?! Why do I have to put up with it for an entire month before I go vote? And whose bad fucking idea was this anyway?!

I wish that the candidates would spend their money on ads that tell us in a straight forward and plain way what their stance on the issues is. Seriously.

So go to your Secretay of State website, and make your choices before you go to the polls. Find the Douche, Turd, or Stale French Fry that is right for you. Use the only real voice you have in our government and vote.

It's fucking important.

DO NOT let this hinder you in your quest for a shiny new voting sticker!

Also, if you check in at your polling place on Foursquare, you get a badge! Sweet!

Quote of the Day 10/18/10

So I called and said I want a 10 inch sausage, and the guy said 45 minutes, and I was all like Sweet! but when he showed up, all he had was a fucking pizza!

Convocation: Live Blog!!

Hi guys! Guess what? I'm in college now! Part of the college experience is this thing called convocation. Mine starts in 25 minutes. It's outside. In Georgia. And it's sunny. It's 87 degrees. The kid behind me who said the n word 17 times, also said it was mother trucking hot. Seriously?! You'll spout off the n word, but you won't say fuck?

1:38- ok, they moved our line over to the side of the building. A couple of Harry Potter cosplayers have walked by in the long black robes. They have handed out lukewarm water. N word guy says it's sahara hot.

1:42- here is the arch we are walking through:

2:12- we are finally walking through the arch! Sitting ahead! Oh, some girl just fell out from heat stroke!

2:23- ok, we finally got to sit down, in the fucking hot as sun. The smart kids have umbrellas.
There is a Harry potter convention on the stage.

2:33- I cannot hear the asshole talking on stage! Oh, and the unibomber is sitting behind me.

2:55- ok, we are supposed to have 20 minutes left. They are halfway through the program.

3:20- 5 minutes over, still only halfway through. The guest speaker sounds like he should be on sesame street. He says work hard and then play hard!!!!

3:30- oh my gods it's finally OVER!!! And I get a shirt!

I sat through your fucking convocation and all I get is this lousy t-Shirt?! It's not even one of the cool ones like they sell in the store! Fuck this, I'm out.